If you are reading this as the first episode of They Keep Telling Me I Should Write My Memoir - or if you have skipped a few - it might make sense to go back at least to the start of 1996, a year of travels. All the posts are archived on Substack but the easiest way to see a list of past episodes in order starting with 1992 is to “subscribe” - which is free - so you get a welcome email with links to all the previous posts. And as long as I keep writing, you will get future ones by email. There is also a paid subscription option, which I use as a passthrough to subscribe to other writers on Substack, my small part in keeping this community of independent voices thriving.
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Late September. It was time to buy winter clothes, or find someplace warmer to continue this pilgrimage. For lack of a better plan, I left the Pathfinder in a long-term parking lot at the Oakland airport, and caught a flight to Honolulu.
When I first reconnected with Velvalee in Hawaiʻi at the end of 1994, we spent part of that holiday visit at her friend Shaylaʻs. Shayla ran a casual B&B in her extra bedrooms when she felt like it, so I booked an extended, open-ended stay with her. Velvalee and Joié were in residence with another set of friends on the Windward side of O’ahu. I would be near enough to spend every day with them if I chose, but still have my own space. After many weeks of solitary travel, part of me welcomed the company. And part of me still treasured having hours of time each day for my own meditation and reflection.
Yes I know I used this image before. But I like to remind myself that once upon a time I was young, fit and tanned. And this was taken during the time about which I am finally writing.
The kukui tree under which Velvalee and Joié held court each day is an appropriate symbol for what we imagined ourselves to be doing. The English name for kukui is candlenut tree, as the oil-rich nuts were lit as candles or torches. The kukui tree, nut or leaf therefore also symbolizes enlightenment. (And yes, attentive long time readers might recall I explained this symbolism when I introduced my young horse Kukuilama).
I was comfortable with listening to hours of channeled insight into the nature of realities - plural. I was comfortable with hours of practice in holding the frequency at increasingly high frequencies. The discomfort I felt was with an increasingly elaborate story about a coming event that would trigger the entire world to look to Velvalee and her associates as the key figures guiding an abrupt transition to a higher dimension of Earthly existence, an era of peace and abundance. It felt deeply right being in Hawai’i and getting additional practice and training for whatever role my next phase would bring. But spiritual discernment had been a hard lesson for me, one I had repeated multiple times over the preceding five years. I was wary of drinking the proverbial KoolAid again.
By late November, practical matters in NYC were demanding my attention. For one thing, if I was going to continue on this pilgrimage, there was no sense continuing to pay exorbitant rent for an apartment I had not slept in since June. I should really just put my belongings in storage. Plus Prageet and Marlies were coming back from Europe and I wanted to reconnect with them and the girls. I let Velvalee and Joié know that I was planning to fly to New York to take care of some business, and would come back once my affairs were settled.
Both of them and Joiéʻs channeled Guide objected strongly. They argued the big day was imminent and without me present to perform my duties, I would be jeopardizing the mission. For the first time I felt the tremendous pull of Velvalee’s spiritual energy directed at controlling my behavior rather than holding space for my growth. The words of persuasion were easy enough for me to argue against…this energetic pressure was something else altogether. It was shocking. I retreated to Shayla’s, who listened as I vented my frustration. She had no answer other than that I would need to follow my own guidance. Then, in typical Shayla fashion, she invited me to dress up and join her for dinner that night. She had a bottle of good wine.
There were still hours of a sunny afternoon left, so I threw on a swimsuit and walked out onto the beach at the back of her home. The still-warm ocean and gentle waves washed the jangled energy out of my field. My mind felt clearer. I laid down on the sand to let the sun dry my body as I mentally opened up my own channel to ask for Guidance. This time I demanded that my consciousness be taken directly to connect with Source; I was not interested in hearing the opinions of any intermediaries. I silently affirmed that I was committed to doing what was for the highest good of the Earth and all beings, and that if taking care of my personal business was actually going to throw off the entire Higher Plan, I would stay. But I needed a very clear sign if that was true, because the only answer I could feel as true inside myself was that it would be wrong to make a personal mess on the physical plane. I needed to put things in order to continue with this journey.
A sense of contentment spread through my mind and body. I felt that I had been heard and acknowledged. I rested a bit longer in the space of meditative, quiet mind. Then I walked back to the house to shower and dress for dinner.
The mysterious item whose appearance I interpreted as confirming my inner knowing and decision to be correct.
Opening the dresser drawer in my room, I found an unusual item nestled into my underwear. I did not have a clue what it was. A beaded adornment for some type of Indian or Middle Eastern dance? I had heard of masters like Sai Baba materializing physical objects as gifts to their followers, even from a distance. I had the distinct impression it was a validation of my being on track. But more likely, my rational mind added, it was a just parting gift from Shayla. Bizarre that she would leave it in my underwear drawer though.
Clean and dressed, I descended the stairs ready to enjoy a conversation with Shayla over dinner. I showed her the item, asking if it was a gift from her. She took it in her hands and turned it over, studying it. Shayla had never seen it before. In fact, despite her extensive travels and studies in various artistic and spiritual traditions, she also had never seen anything like it.
The following day I booked my flight. I hugged Velvalee and Joié farewell, adding that if they were right, they would just have to make do when I missed the big reveal party. Extracting a promise that I would return immediately if that were the case, they offered their blessings for my trip. We all knew this much was true - I would be back in Hawai’i soon.